This was going round and round in my head for a whole night and day, so I had to get it off my chest... And only in here will perhaps the readers understand...
Yesterday I was chatting with Venerable Bodhi, and she shared with me something very shocking. Apparently the 29th had been looking for a meditation teacher for the basic meditation course for the 30th. Angita had asked me for advice: which teacher to approach and so on. I suggested Venerable Chuan Guan, and it so happened that they did approach him.
Venerable Chuan Guan was the one that shared with Venerable Bodhi what happened. Venerable obviously does not have a car, so he said so. Angita checked with Tiong Han and they decided that they could not provide transport. So Angita emailed Venerable saying that they could not provide transport, so if Venerable really needed it, then they would have to find another teacher instead.
This sounded very terrible to Venerable Bodhi, and also to me. It sounded as if our sincerity in asking for a teacher to teach us depended on whether the Venerable had his own transport. We did not even have the sincerity for providing for a monk's requisites. Furthermore, because the communication was via email, it must have sounded terribly cold and unfriendly to Venerable Chuan Guan.
When I clarified this with Angita on MSN last night, she said they have approached alumni to see if who was free to fetch Venerable. This is not acceptable to me. The practice in the past was to find someone to bus down to the temple, and then cab to and fro with the Venerable. Yes, it was our fault as seniors that we did not pass this protocol down well. But Angita even said to me last night that Venerable should understand that we are students and are very busy! I was so shocked and disappointed by this statement... She said that she had gotten so used to Venerable Chun Nian's mobile nature... But surely it's ridiculous to take that for granted!
Venerable Bodhi gave me the second half of this horrible story: apparently no one confirmed with Venerable Chuan Guan that he would not be the teacher. Angita had told him that she was stepping down and the new Dharma Director would take over this matter. But Eddy and Kyaw had overlooked this in their hurry to look for another teacher, and forgot about him. Venerable waited until recently, when he decided to google for NUSBS to find a contact to get hold of. That's when he found out through the website that Ajahn Kheng from Palelai Temple was the confirmed teacher.
Venerable Bodhi said that she was upset on Venerable Chuan Guan's behalf. I was so embarassed and disgusted also.
Eddy and Jacinta have decided to go down to PKS to apologise personally to Venerable Chuan Guan, also I am sure that he bears no hard feelings at all. But sadly Angita just does not understand what we did wrong. She said that there are some Venerables that we can "clique" with and some that we can't, and that if it was some other Venerable, we would not have had that issue. I was almost angry, and almost in tears to hear such a statement!! The point was not about "clicking" or not!! The point was not which Venerables minded which didn't!! The point was the the decision of the 29th not to provide transport was so disgustingly lacking in sincerity! The point was that we take our teachers for granted!! It should be a baseline that we offer ALL Venerables transport, warm water and towel! Oh my gosh...
The last words I told to her were: that's not the point/ sigh/ i don't think you understand/
And she replied me: yes i dun understand/ and i'm perfectly fine with it/ nite
And this morning I saw the personal message on her MSN nick:
w......r
Whatever.
I am so so disappointed. It totally ruined my day. She was one of the juniors that I felt had so much potential. Even when she burnt out I tried to understand, and lend her a ear for her problems. I had invested my hopes and cares on someone who turned out to be so callous.
6 comments:
Dear Kwek
I feel sorry to Venerable Chuan Guan and Venerable Bodhi on behalf of NUSBS. We do have our own influence in this situation, for not making sure that our next generation fully understand and provide all the needs of our Venerables. As almost the whole committee is changed, they haven't really experience the way we did things.
Maybe you yourself have to take a rest from this particular incident for a moment, and let Jacinta handle it. Of course, ideally it is good if Angi is going down there too.
I am quite curious what Angi is really thinking though.. she might not really say out all of her feelings. People may act defensively, precisely because they feel super guilty. It seems like she is feeling bad too. We may need to take a lot of care here in communicating, understanding and forgiving, to prevent our relationships to go bad.
Kwek, thanks so much for dedicating so much effort to BS, even after you have graduated. I believe all of us here feel that you really deserved to be respected. But don't let them hurt you too much, that is not healthy too.
Question.. does she know who else knows about this incident?
This is a sign of burnt out. Personally, i do not think Angita will say such a thing, if so, she must be so frustrated with BS stuffs... I think she needs some time to come back again strongly...
This reply is a little outdated but I feel that Angita may be a little too bogged down by her sch work when she was arranging the activity. Don't think it is a sign of burn out, let's not be too paranoid about burning out.
I think Angi is not such a person and perhaps they are not familiar of the protocols when speaking to vens. Vens nowadays are more modern (facebook, sms) and that may have led them to think that it is okay to be like that. Or perhaps they are not even aware of the lay ppl's responsibility as a provider of requisite OR unaware that ven's role is to practice and do dhammaduta.
Also, like I told kwek.. we can be partly responsible cuz we assume that our juniors will learn from observing. Not that we are damn respectful la, but at least we know what to do through observing what our snrs did.
Now that the episode is over, what can we do?
I propose:
1. we include the protocol segment during GL workshop (that's the most immediate remedial action i can think of)
2. get involved in the MC's second retreat. planning, troubleshoot, etc
3. include the protocol segment in every new MC's first retreat!
Let them learn from the lesson and sadhux3 to shifu's magnanimity!
_/|\_
cindee
correction:
Also, like I told kwek.. we can be partly responsible cuz we assume that our juniors will learn from observing. Not that we are damn respectful la, but at least we know what to do through observing what our snrs did. and we assumed they wld know what to do
Eh, i refer to my para ...Vens nowadays are more modern (facebook, sms) and that may have led them to think that it is okay to be like that... the 'they' and 'them' r our juniors. not the vens. haha. paisay paisay
wah...so long haven't been reading DRT. Was reading about the transport thing.
I admit that i do take things and venerable for granted at times and things like this could have happened to me too. I'm currently in a clear mind state and if i were in her shoes, I can understand where I went wrong and where I should have corrected it before matters turn from bad to worse.
Indeed, it's great disappointment that things turn out to be the way it is right now. And i don't think we should blame any bit to the seniors for not passing down protocol. It's not about protocol. It's about doing the right thing and manners. Just like how you treat your parents, friends and boy/girlfriends and venerables. Each has his own manners and respect and venerables deserve the high respect.
At the same, what i did not get is that angita's current condition. it could be she is having her own problems that time that she just not in the clear state of mind.
We do take things for granted. Hopefully we just need compassion to remind each other not to take things for granted. Just like we should read more on DRT and not take it for granted until kwek reminded me. haha...
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